How to Stop Being a Control Freak and Lower Stress | Oz Wellness [8:44-13:45]

You love your kids, you love your husband, you love your family. Yes, absolutely. And that's really why you mostly try to control things, you think, right? I want to maximize time with them because I love them so much. I want to make sure I have a lot of time with them. So I time the activities that they do so that we have the time to spend time like we really want to spend it. Right, right. And so love drives that, right? But here's the one I think is the most important. And this is the one Dr. Oz that I also think is most often driving control freaks. And that's fear. Fear. So when I ask you to complete the sentence, if I don't keep control over everything, I really fear. Things will spiral out of control. I won't see my family as much as I need to and want to. And what would that mean? That would mean to me that I don't have it together. I would feel sad. I would be upset that I'm not spending the time with the people who love me and who I love. And would you say that that actually means you wouldn't be being a good mom? Yes, absolutely. I wouldn't be the best mom out there. I think parents should spend time with their kids and why should spend time with their husband. And if I'm unable to do so, I would feel not only not being a good mom, but also not being a good wife. That's a powerful statement. Because basically what I'm hearing you say is that if I'm not in control, I'm not a good mom. I took out all the connecting facts, but that's the beginning and the end of what you just told us. Yes. You know, give us some examples of how people, I'll tell a lot of people I think are doing this. When they try to control an area that they have some control over, they actually give up the places where they really wanted to control. So first other examples could be that something at work isn't going the way you want it to go, that a relationship you're in is ending or not going the way you want it to. And those things are not as controllable. And so we find other places in our life to be able to control. So I need everything in my cupboard to be in alphabetical order or I need all the timing to be exactly perfect. I need the right laundry detergent. And those are little things that we feel we can control. So that it helps us with that out of control feeling we haven't enough time. Where was the last time you felt that you did something that was out of control? I would say in college, I had my daughter, my first daughter, my oldest daughter. So right there, since then, I decided that I need to be in control of not only me, but now another person. So I have to shape up. It wasn't the plan to have the child in college? Absolutely not. It wasn't. And although she is a blessing and she's great, this, I took that as a, like, there in the headlights, like a warning, like, I have to get in control now. Dr. Livo, this is about, thank you for being honest about this. I know these are tough conversations, but this is how we get the solutions for you and so many folks at home. These are the kinds of insights that we need to move on. Insights that sometimes you try to cover up a little bit. One last tip's a big one. Dr. Livo argues that we have to do one thing every day that makes us uncomfortable. Why do we have to be comfortable being uncomfortable? Because I actually think that your controlling is making you more uncomfortable. You need to practice not controlling so that you see that it can actually feel better. But then things will spiral out of control. They probably won't. And here's the thing. Small spirals. Everybody spirals. You have to start. You do have to start small. So that's why I suggest you pick one thing. So pick one thing you're willing to give up. The shower. Five more minutes in the shower. OK. It's good. Then I want you. This is five more minutes for you in the shower. No, for the kids. Oh, the kids are a limited thing. Yes. You're a little bit how long they're in the shower? Absolutely. I love this. I feel much better about myself now. I'm thinking this home. So when you resist the urge to rush them along through their shower, you're probably going to feel a little uncomfortable at first because that fear that's driving things, it's going to come up while you don't go in and tell them, come on, hurry up. What I'd like you to do instead is to sit, breathe, relax your body, and remind yourself that whether they take a five-minute longer shower doesn't make you a bad mom, right? This isn't actually about that. Rosemary, I think life happens when we're busy making plans. And you're making so many plans that that wonderful snapshot of life that I'm looking at with the family and the bench over there, when they're even a year older, you'll never have those moments again. I rather they struggle with the extra five minutes in the shower and then build yourself up to the laundry machine stuff. You'll probably enjoy it. Then it's called training your kids, all right? I went every winter home, everyone in the audience I want you all to do this, pick anything. It makes you a little uncomfortable. It takes you out of your safety zone because those safety walls you're putting up