How to Stop Being a Control Freak and Lower Stress | Oz Wellness [3:42-8:44]

So Aaron is an interesting first step that I want you to think through. She actually argues, this is everybody, by the way, that we have to be a witness to our own behavior. If you don't mind, explain what that means to us, Mary, and everybody else. Sure. I really do believe that we can't change any behavior if we don't know that we're engaging in it. You have to know what's happening. And we have to be able to observe ourselves, almost be a witness to our own behavior. That's hard, though, sometimes. It really is. And the good news is that you're here because you recognize that you're over controlling things and it's creating a problem for you. But the other, I think, really good news about being here today is that you have a family that is absolutely interested in being a part of this solution as well. And they want to help you, too. And so they actually tape some interviews where they are going to show you and tell you a little bit about the behavior they observe that you're engaging in. Are you ready to see your truth? Yes. I'm sure it's great. Well, we'll see. We're about to find out. Take a look. I think my wife's need to control actually comes from a good place. Her idea is that if she would have actually controlled and managed our time, I would have more time to spend together, maybe yet, as a family. But to be quite honest with you, at the end of the day, there really is no time left over. She has a time limit for everything. If I don't get that thing done in that time frame, or if I don't do it, how she wants me to do it, then I feel nervous that she might yell a scream because it's not her way and how she wants me to do it. She will make time for a fun activity. But the fun activity is time. It's such a killer joy. She said everybody has a role to play in the house. Like, she's playing every role in the house. I mean, it just gets really frustrating. We really love her and appreciate all that she does. But personally, I wish sometimes she would just relax. And that's not going to take some time for herself. That's a lot of love there. So what does it feel like to hear yourself describe that way? To be honest, I actually thought that I was doing something great. I didn't really realize how it was making them feel because in the long run, I really wanted to spend more time with them and make sure that they're happy. So it's really a surprise to hear them say that they're frustrated or they might get a little nervous if they're not done in that time frame. So obviously, they're stressed out by it. But it's probably stressing you out as well. Yes, absolutely it is. When I fight with my wife, this is one of the things we fight about. Because I'm always micromanaging. She calls me, she nicknamed me a superhero, the medler. That's my nickname, the medler. And she's right when she says that sometimes, I try to be so efficient that I'm inefficient. And I think you're causing a lot of heat with that family that you love so much who are sitting on the bench, watching you play all the positions on the field. And the real experience you want to have in life is on the field, not on the bench. So Dr. Livo says, for all of our behaviors, all of them, you can find something that's correlated to one of eight core emotions. They stem from those emotions. We're going to find out what they are and how you can control them so you can get rid of your stress for good. Stay here. For all the self-proclaimed control freaks out there, myself included, who are stressed out and run down, doing things for everybody else, everything, frankly, for everybody else. We have the plan to stop controlling others so you can control your health. Dr. Livo says that the stress that all control freaks feel always boils down to emotions, to emotions. So if you can't explain the big idea for us. So I think the big idea here really is that we're using this term stress as this sort of catch all phrase. I'm so stressed out, I'm so overwhelmed. And we're not really being specific enough to really be able to come up with a solution because stress, when we say we're feeling so stressed out, what we're really feeling is that we're struggling with some difficult, distressing emotion. So the great news is that despite the fact that we have millions of words for emotions, there's really only eight emotions. There's really only eight core emotion families that we need to learn about. And so that makes it easier. So we have this great graphic to show what those eight emotions are. And I'd love to use Rosemary and you as an example to go through the fact that you're probably experiencing a bunch of different emotions when it comes to your controlling behavior. And that's true for most people who are controlling things. That you're starting out by saying I feel so stressed because of my controlling behavior. But I'd actually suggest that it's actually emotion that's driving you to control. So let's look at the at the different emotions. To start with, my guess is, if I ask you, what do you think drives your need to control things? And you'd probably point to that first emotion, love.