Best of David Cross Comedy | Stand-Up Comedy Compilation [52:52-56:06]

Okay, Grayson. Here's what's going to make you really, really angry. Bread in the face. Beat red. When there's a mass shooting and the families of the victims of the mass shooting, go on television and try to plead for sensible gun laws. That's going to set you. No, don't cry. No, I'm sorry. That's your thing. That's going to be your thing. No, don't cry. Okay, I got another one. I got another one here. Okay, here's something else. Okay, try those tears. Here's something else. You're also going to get very, very upset when chubby women are used in advertising. That's going to, yeah. Online petitions, the whole worth. Don't, please don't cry. Okay. One more, sweetheart. What's your name? Karen? Okay, probably don't even have to look, but yeah. Okay, so Karen, this is what's going to make you really upset. Okay? Okay, it's, when you hear black people laughing, that's, it's just nails on a chalkboard too. I, yeah, when you hear black people enjoying themselves, it's going to, no, don't, don't cry. It's all, no, honey, honey, please. I, no, no, it can't be about when your ice cream falls off. I'm sorry. That's what it says. I mean, it says your homeschool, you're going to be homeschooled. You're about to be homeschooled. They're going to teach you about the Civil War and they're going to mention the word slavery, and that's it. You're yanked out of there, and that's, so I'm so sorry, but don't cry. And guys, don't cry. Everybody, please stop crying. Stop crying. Guys, kids, stop crying. And then, you know, you've got a room full of 100 kids crying. But the cool thing is that if you are walking down the street and you pass a playground or, you know, a birthday party or something, you see a bunch of kids crying, you'll know that a comedian from the future has just visited them and told them what to, and look, America was never great, but it was hopeful. There were periods where it was, there was progress being made, there was more, we were trying to be kinder, more inclusive, equal rights for everybody, and I think if America wants to get back to that place, then we need to build a time machine and go back and kill the person responsible for the mess we're in now, and I'll do it. I will do it, and I understand, I understand the canon of how this works. Once you use the time machine, then you've altered the space, time, continuum, and the fabric is ripped and torn. The time machine can't exist anymore, so it stops, but I'll do it. I will go back and I will kill Jesus Christ. I'll do it. I'll do it for you. I'll do it for all the kids out there,