Best of David Cross Comedy | Stand-Up Comedy Compilation [13:47-16:16]

And I realize that that dream will never end satisfactorily. I hope, or maybe it will. Maybe it will. That'll be a double-edged sword. Just in the dream, like, I'm running around 20 minutes. Like, oh, finally. And oh, oh, no. I'm old. And speaking of unwanted pregnancies, I've learned so much from my daughter. It just, like, one thing I learned that they don't really tell you about, but you have to constantly censor yourself, edit your responses to the kids. Like, because kids will often say some really funny shit, just some gems, right? But you can't laugh because they don't, they didn't intend for it to be funny. So it's upsetting to them. It seems dismissive and they're trying to be sincere. And so you can't laugh. It's, you know, they take it poorly. And a good example of this, like, this is 100% true. So when my daughter was about four and a half, my wife was out of town. And we were having breakfast. And there was a little lull in the conversation. And I'm over cleaning up some dishes and stuff. And then after about a minute, she says to me, and apropos of nothing. We had not been talking about anything like this at all. So she just comes out with this. She goes, daddy, I'm sad you're going to die soon. And, you know, my immediate reaction was like, oh my god. She's a witch. And I went over and I sat down next to her. And I very quickly, bound her hands and legs through and her sack, drove to a river, and dumped her off the bridge.