Pete Holmes | Silly Silly Fun Boy (Full Comedy Special) [51:55-55:00]

See a smarter comedian would have been like, goodnight, you guys were great. But I got one more. So. So if you have a special laugh, you've been saving. Like a butterfly in a jar. Break it on this one. I'm doing some new stuff. Maybe you're doing new stuff. No, I'm not keeping that. You know what I mean? Open mic at a little bit. This one starts kind of sad. I was watching this horrible true life reality show called the true crime reality show called The News. And there was a sad story about this crooked psychic. He was conning widows into having sex with him by having a say on's. He conjured up the spirit of their dead husbands. He'd come into the room. I know it's terrible. He'd come into the room naked, dark room. They would think it was their husband and they'd have sex. It's over. They caught him. There's nothing funny about it. It's a little funny. It's a little funny. But not in a way that I can talk about. You riff on it on the ride home. Since when are you circumcised? Stuff like that. I'm not going to say it. When I saw that story, it was like that's fucked up but that would never work with me in Val. No one has sex like me in Val. And I don't mean that in a good way. When you've been together for 12 years and you're in your 40s, this is a little glimpse. There's a routine to our sex. It's the same every time. Like if I want to have sex with Val, the first step is, I pause the TV. That's how she knows something's a foot. It's either a sneaky pizza or sex. If it's not a pizza, the second step is, I look at her and I wiggle my eyebrows like this. Like a fat guy in a cartoon looking at a hot dog. The third step for some reason, always in the voice of Jack Lemon. I go, you've awoken in me a primal urge. Can you just feel in your stomach that this is real? Why would I make that up? You've awoken in me a primal urge. The last step is, if Val takes her clothes off, if she goes with it. I've never seen my wife naked just getting ready in the morning or to have sex. I've never seen her naked without reflexively, involuntarily. That means I have to say, what a beberino. I have to say it. It doesn't matter if it ruins the mood. I'm like, what a beberino. I have to do it. Lately, I've been mixing it up with pardon me, madame.